The Parish Potty Parade

My husband recently watched a show about Vince Lombardi on television.  I normally could care less about anything doing with football, but as a former history major I found the program pretty interesting.  I learned that Lombardi was early for everything, and expected his players to do the same.  In fact, some of his players even referred to him as being on “Lombardi Time.”  If they weren’t fifteen minutes early, they might as well have been late.

So now I know that I’m on “Lombardi Time”, sometimes I’m even on double “Lombardi Time”.  I always strive to be early for everything, and even with two kids in the house I am very rarely late.  I think there was an incident involving Carter and some poop that made me late once.  🙂

This morning Carter had Sunday school at 10am.  We left the house about twenty minutes early, and by the time we got into church it was about 9:50.  I walked Carter into class and then went to find a place to sit in church.  I was shocked that with ten minutes until the start of Mass, there were only about 40 people sitting down.  I know that I shouldn’t have been surprised, every Sunday the place fills up with minutes to spare, but today it seemed like maybe not as many people were going to show up.

I was wrong.  People started pouring in with about five minutes to spare, and after the bells started ringing even more people came in.  In fact, we had to start Mass five minutes late because people kept coming in (I think there were probably 500-600 people, if not more today).  And a few people came in ten, fifteen, and even twenty minutes late.  Now I don’t mean to offend anyone, but really???  Twenty minutes late to CHURCH?  I think that no matter where you live in Pewaukee, you could probably get from one end of town to the other in about twenty minutes, so that means some people left their houses a few minutes before, or even after church was scheduled to start.  It drives me NUTS!

And then, throughout the ENTIRE Mass people are walking back and forth to the bathrooms.  Now I remember going to church when I was little, and I can’t even remember leaving my seat to go to the bathroom.  You go to the bathroom before you leave the house.  And it’s not just little kids.  I can maybe understand if your three-year old has a “potty emergency”, but when you’re in middle school I think you should be able to hold it.  It’s like this EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY!  It’s not just a few people, we have a parade back and forth down the side aisles every week.

So I have to say that I can’t remember a single thing that was said in either of the two readings, or anything that the priest said.   I was too busy looking at my watch seeing how many minutes late people were (the last person walked in at 10:22), and watching people walk back and forth to the bathroom for an entire hour.

At least Carter learned something in Sunday school.  🙂



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